Melissa Bright: Rethinking ways to prevent sexual abuse of children
Children playing ball games, Roman artwork, 2nd Century AD.
DURHAM, N.H.
Child sexual abuse is uncomfortable to think about, much less talk about. The idea of an adult engaging in sexual behaviors with a child feels sickening. It’s easiest to believe that it rarely happens, and when it does, that it’s only to children whose parents aren’t protecting them.
This belief stayed with me during my early days as a parent. I kept an eye out for creepy men at the playground and was skeptical of men who worked with young children, such as teachers and coaches. When my kids were old enough, I taught them what a “good touch” was, like a hug from a family member, and what a “bad touch” was, like someone touching their private parts.
But after nearly a quarter-century of conducting research – 15 years on family violence, another eight on child abuse prevention, including sexual abuse – I realized that many people, including me, were using antiquated strategies to protect our children.
As the founder of the Center for Violence Prevention Research, I work with organizations that educate their communities and provide direct services to survivors of child sexual abuse. From them, I have learned much about the everyday actions all of us can take to help keep our children safe. Some of it may surprise you.
First, my view of what constitutes child sexual abuse was too narrow. Certainly, all sexual activities between adults and children are a form of abuse.
But child sexual abuse also includes nonconsensual sexual contact between two children. It includes noncontact offenses such as sexual harassment, exhibitionism and using children to produce imagery of sexual abuse. Technology-based child sexual abuse is rising quickly with the rapid evolution of internet-based games, social media, and content generated by artificial intelligence. Reports to the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children of online enticements increased 300% from 2021 to 2023.
My assumption that child sexual abuse didn’t happen in my community was wrong too. The latest data shows that at least 1 in 10 children, but likely closer to 1 in 5, experience sexual abuse. Statistically, that’s at least two children in my son’s kindergarten class.
Child sexual abuse happens across all ethnoracial groups, socioeconomic statuses and all gender identities. Reports of female victims outnumber males, but male victimization is likely underreported because of stigma and cultural norms about masculinity.
I’ve learned that identifying the “creepy man” at the playground is not an effective strategy. At least 90% of child sexual abusers know their victims or the victims’ family prior to offending. Usually, the abuser is a trusted member of the community; sometimes, it’s a family member.
In other words, rather than search for a predator in the park, parents need to look at the circle of people they invite into their home.
To be clear, abuse by strangers does happen, and teaching our kids to be wary of strangers is necessary. But it’s the exception, not the norm, for child sexual abuse offenses.
Most of the time, it’s not even adults causing the harm. The latest data shows more than 70% of self-reported child sexual abuse is committed by other juveniles. Nearly 1 in 10 young people say they caused some type of sexual harm to another child. Their average age at the time of causing harm is between 14 and 16.
Drastic changes in behavior – either positive or negative – can be an indication of potential sexual abuse.
Now for a bit of good news: The belief that people who sexually abuse children are innately evil is an oversimplification. In reality, only about 13% of adults and approximately 5% of adolescents who sexually harm children commit another sexual offense after five years. The recidivism rate is even lower for those who receive therapeutic help.
By contrast, approximately 44% of adults who commit a felony of any kind will commit another offense within a year of prison release.
What parents can do
The latest research says uncomfortable conversations are necessary to keep kids safe. Here are some recommended strategies:
Avoid confusing language. “Good touches” and “bad touches” are no longer appropriate descriptors of abuse. Harmful touches can feel physically good, rather than painful or “bad.” Abusers can also manipulate children to believe their touches are acts of love.
The research shows that it’s better to talk to children about touches that are “OK” or “not OK,” based on who does the touching and where they touch. This dissipates the confusion of something being bad but feeling good.
These conversations require clear identification of all body parts, from head and shoulders to penis and vagina. Using accurate anatomical labels teaches children that all body parts can be discussed openly with safe adults. Also, when children use accurate labels to disclose abuse, they are more likely to be understood and believed.
One tip: Teach children the anatomical names for their body parts, not “code” or “cute” names.
Encourage bodily autonomy. Telling my children that hugs from family members were universally good touches was also wrong. If children think they have to give hugs on demand, it conveys the message they do not have authority over their body.
Instead, I watch when my child is asked for a hug at family gatherings – if he hesitates, I advocate for him. I tell family members that physical touch is not mandatory and explain why – something like: “He prefers a bit more personal space, and we’re working on teaching him that he can decide who touches him and when. He really likes to give high-fives to show affection.” A heads-up: Often, the adults are put off, at least initially.
In my family, we also don’t allow the use of guilt to encourage affection. That includes phrases like: “You’ll make me sad if you don’t give me a hug.”
Promote empowerment. Research on adult sexual offenders found the greatest deterrence to completing the act was a vocal child – one who expressed their desire to stop, or said they would tell others.
Monitor your child’s social media. Multiple studies show that monitoring guards against sexting or viewing of pornography, both of which are risk factors for child sexual abuse. Monitoring can also reveal permissive or dangerous sexual attitudes the child might have.
Talk to the adults in your circle. Ask those watching your child how they plan to keep your child safe when in their care. Admittedly, this can be an awkward conversation. I might say, “Hey, I have a few questions that might sound weird, but I think they’re important for parents to ask. I’m sure my child will be safe with you, but I’m trying to talk about these things regularly, so this is good practice for me.” You may need to educate them on what the research shows.
Ask your child’s school what they’re doing to educate students and staff about child sexual abuse. Many states require schools to provide prevention education; recent research suggests these programs help children protect themselves from sexual abuse.
Talk to your child’s sports or activity organization. Ask what procedures are in place to keep children safe. This includes their screening and hiring practices, how they train and educate staff, and their guidelines for reporting abuse. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention provides a guide for organizations on keeping children safe.
Rely on updated research. Finally, when searching online for information, look for research that’s relatively recent – dated within the past five years. These studies should be published in peer-reviewed journals.
And then be prepared for a jolt. You may discover the conventional wisdom you’ve clung to all these years may be based on outdated – and even harmful – information.
Melissa Bright is founder and executive director of the Center for Violence Prevention Research and an affiliate faculty member at the Crimes Against Children Research Center at the University of New Hampshire
She receives funding from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and the World Childhood Foundation (via work with Stop it Now!).
There’s always urban renewal
“Re-visioning Babylon” (archival inkjet), by Julee Holcombe, in the group show “The Artists Revealed: 2021 Studio Faculty Review”, at the University of New Hampshire Art Museum, Durham, through Dec. 10.
A nation of 'gullible dolts'
“The Idiot ,’’ by Evert Larock (1892)
“Widespread ignorance bordering on idiocy is our new national goal….The ideal citizen of a politically corrupt state, such as the one we now have, is a gullible dolt unable to tell truth from bullshit. An educated, well-informed population, the kind that a functioning democracy requires, would be difficult to lie to, and could not be led by the nose by the various vested interests running amok in this country.’’
— Charles Simic (born 1938), Serbian-American essayist and Pulitzer Prize-winning poet as well as a professor emeritus of literature and creative writing at the University of New Hampshire. He lives in Strafford, N.H.
In Strafford circa 1910: The Blue Hills and the Job Hills from Northwood Road
John O. Harney: 'Emergency remote'; a WPA for humanists?; defense workers kept on job
From The New England Journal of Higher Education (NEJHE), a service of The New England Board of Higher Education (nebhe.org):
A few items from the quarantine …
Wisdom from Zoom. COVID-19 has been a boon for Zoom and Slack (for people panicked by too many and too-slow emails). Last week, I zoomed into the Harvard Graduate School of Education (HGSE) Leadership Series conversation with Southern New Hampshire University (SNHU) President Paul LeBlanc and HGSE Dean Bridget Long. LeBlanc notes that the online programs adopted by colleges and universities everywhere in the age of COVID-19 are very different from SNHU’s renowned online platform. Unlike SNHU, most institutions have launched “emergency remote” work to help students stay on track. Despite worries in some quarters about academic quality, LeBlanc says the quick transition online is not about relaxing standards, but ratcheting up care and compassion for suddenly dislocated students. The visionary president notes that just as telemedicine is boosting access to healthcare during the pandemic, online learning could boost access to education.
Among other observations, LeBlanc explains that “time” is the enemy for traditional students who have to pause classes when, for example, their child gets sick. If they are students in a well-designed online program, they can avoid delays in their education despite personal disruptions. He also believes students will want to come rushing back to campuses after COVID-19 dissipates, but with the recession, he wonders if they’ll be able to afford it. Oh and, by the way, LeBlanc ventures that it’s unlikely campuses will open in the fall without a lot more coronavirus testing.
Summer learning loss becomes COVID learning loss. That’s the concern of people like Chris Minnich, CEO of the nonprofit assessment and research organization NWEA, founded in Oregon as the Northwest Evaluation Association. The group predicts that when students finally head back to school next fall (presumably), they are likely to retain about 70% of this year’s gains in reading, compared with a typical school year, and less than 50% in math. The concern over achievement milestones reminds me of the fretting over SATs and ACTs as well as high-stakes high school tests, being postponed. Merrie Najimy, president of the Massachusetts Teachers Association, notes that the pause “provides all of us with an opportunity to rethink the testing requirements.”
Another WPA for Humanists? Modern Language Association Executive Director Paula M. Krebs recently reminded readers that during the Great Depression, the Works Progress Administration, though commonly associated with building roads and bridges, also employed writers, researchers, historians, artists, musicians, actors and other cultural figures. Given COVID-19, “this moment calls for a new WPA that employs those with humanities expertise in partnership with scientists, health-care practitioners, social scientists, and business, to help shape the public understanding of the changes our collective culture is undergoing,” writes Krebs.
Research could help right now. News of the University of New Hampshire garnering $6 million from the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration to build and test an instrument to monitor space weather reminded me of when research prowess was recognized as a salient feature of New England’s higher education leadership. That was mostly before jabs like the “wastebook” from then-U.S. Sen. Jeff Flake (R-Ariz.) ridiculed any spending on research that didn’t translate directly to commercial use. But R&D work can go from suspect to practical very quickly. For example, consider research at the University of Maine’s Lobster Institute trying to see if an extract from lobsters might work to treat COVID-19. Or consider that 15 years ago, the Summer 2004 edition of Connection (now NEJHE) ran a short piece on an unpopular research lab being built by Boston University and the federal government in Boston’s densely settled South End to study dangerous germs like Ebola. The region was also a pioneer in community relations, and the neighborhood was tense about the dangers in its midst to say the least. But today, that lab’s role in the search for a coronavirus vaccine is much less controversial.
Advice for grads in a difficult year. This journal is inviting economists and other experts on “employability” to weigh in on how COVID-19 will affect 2020’s college grads in New England. What does it mean for the college-educated labor market that has been another New England economic advantage historically?
Bath Iron Works will keep its employees at work.
Defense rests? One New England industry that is not shutting down due to COVID-19 is the defense industry. In Maine, General Dynamics Bath Iron Works ordered face masks for employees and expanded its sick time policy, but union leaders say the company isn’t doing enough to address coronavirus. More than 70 Maine lawmakers recently asked the company to consider closing temporarily to protect workers from the spread of the virus. But the Defense Department would have to instruct the shipyard to close, and Pentagon officials say it is a “Critical Infrastructure Industry.” About 17,000 people who work at the General Dynamics Electric Boat’s shipyards in Quonset Point, R.I., and Groton, Conn., are in the same boat, so to speak. They too have been told to keep reporting to work. In New London, a letter in The Day pleaded with Connecticut Gov. Ned Lamont to shut down Electric Boat. Critical Infrastructure Industry. If only attack subs on schedule could help beat an “invisible enemy.”
John O. Harney is executive editor of The New England Journal of Higher Education.
Below, “Wong’s Pot with Old Flowers,” by Montserrat College Prof. Timothy Harney.
N.E. Council asks for federal aid for colleges and universities
Thompson Hall, at the University of New Hampshire, in Durham
From The New England Council (newenglandcouncil.com)
BOSTON
“The New England Council is calling on Congress to provide relief to colleges and universities in light of the COVID-19 public health crisis that has forced them to close their campuses to students. In a letter sent to each New England senator, as well as the Senate leadership, on March 20, the council stressed the important role our region’s higher-education institutions play in the region’s economy, and outlined the devastating impact the crisis is having on the schools themselves, as well as on their students directly.
The letter outlined several areas where the federal government could provide support to colleges and universities, including:
Financial support for students and institutions
Housing and meal assistance
Technology for remote learning
Title IV Relief’’
UNH School of Law seeks to offer mostly online degree focusing on intellectual-property law
The University of New Hampshire School of Law named its honors program after the great Massachusetts U.S. senator, secretary of state and orator Daniel Webster, a New Hampshire native.
The New England Council (newenglandcouncil.com) reports:
The University of New Hampshire School of law, in Concord, recently forayed into the online-education industry. If it gets permission from the American Bar Association, UNH will create the nation’s first specialized law degree.
“If given the approval to proceed, the online law degree from UNH will focus on intellectual property, covering topics from patents and trade secrets to privacy. The degree will take three and a half years to complete, and will likely start in the fall of 2019. The school would require the students to be in Concord only three or four weeks each year, and most classes will be taught online. The hope is that the American Bar Association will make an exception to their rule, which says law degrees can offer at most one third of total credit hours through distance learning, with the rest taking place on campus. Only three of the accredited law schools in the country, including Syracuse University, in New York State, Southwestern University, in Los Angeles, and Mitchell-Hamline University, in Minnesota, have applied for and received approval to offer an online JD degree.
“Dean Megan Carpenter said in a statement that, ‘Intellectual property is a perfect area for this. It is the law of innovation, so we should think about ways to innovate in legal education while teaching it. . . It’s satisfying to use a technology when you’re learning about law that supports that technology.’
“The New England Council congratulates UNH on this exciting new initiative and commends them for working to make law school more accessible.’’
Showing the fragility
A creation of David Katz in his show "Flextime,'' at the Museum of Art at the University of New Hampshire (in Durham), through Nov. 7. The show is a collaboration between the museum and 3S Artspace, in nearby Portsmouth.
In his site-specific works, sculptor and ceramicist Katz, in the museum's words, "exploits the properties of wet clay to create complex web-like installations that push and pull against architectural elements, constructed spaces, and scaffolding. As the clay dries, cracks develop, exposing the fragile nature of the structural systems.''
Lou D'Allesandro: In N.H., a 'Granite Guarantee' for some college students
Thompson Hall (1892), at UNH.
Via the the New England Board of Higher Education (nebhe.org):
Regardless of where you come from, the ability to access and receive a high-quality education is the key to success.
The dream of an accessible education will now become a reality for many New Hampshire youngsters, thanks to a new University of New Hampshire (UNH) initiative called the Granite Guarantee Program.
The UNH Granite Guarantee will begin with the incoming freshman class in fall 2017. An estimated 400 New Hampshire students will benefit from the program, saving a combined $5.9 million in tuition costs at the UNH campuses in both Durham and Manchester. Freshmen who are awarded the Granite Guarantee aid will be eligible to receive it for four years, provided they remain eligible for at least $1 in federal Pell Grant aid.
Last year, 21 percent of New Hampshire students at UNH were Pell Grant recipients, and we know that the financial need of families in our state sending their kids off to college is real. As the cost of our public colleges and universities continues to rise, this is a huge opportunity for New Hampshire's own to secure a world-class education.
The intention is for the program to grow with each new class, so the group of freshmen entering in 2018 will be eligible, then the group in 2019, and so on. By the time the 2020 cohort begins their studies, there will be Pell-eligible New Hampshire students at each grade level receiving support from the Granite Guarantee. We estimate that could amount to as many as 1,600 New Hampshire students—a little more than 10% of UNH’s total enrollment.
The Granite Guarantee is totally supported by private fundraising and was made possible by UNH's 150th campaign.
UNH has a lot to be proud of lately. Its nationally competitive women's and men's basketball teams have helped bring more visibility, funding and vibrant campus life to the university. Its engineering and technology programs are key elements in supporting the high-tech industry in New Hampshire.
For example, a strategic partner like Lonza Biologics, in Portsmouth, N.H. employs a workforce of approximately 30 percent UNH graduates, uses university instruments for ongoing testing, and partners with faculty and students on internships, senior projects and research. Additionally, through the New Hampshire Innovation Research Center, UNH is currently providing research expertise to Turbocam International, in Barrington, N.H. and HALO Maritime Defense Systems, in Newton, N.H.
The university is increasing its profile in other ways, too. A recent study by the national journal published by the Ecological Society of America, ranked UNH's ecology program second in the country out of 316 higher ed institutions in research and scholarship opportunities—a clear indicator that our state's university is a leader in this significant and growing field.
While free tuition proposals have garnered a lot of attention nationally, New Hampshire's decisions are independent of those made in other states. We should all commend UNH's leadership for recognizing that cost is often unfortunately a barrier for students seeking a college degree, and for finding ways to balance their budget while reducing costs to students and families in an increasingly competitive world. Indeed with the Granite Guarantee, UNH is the only non-Ivy higher education institution in New Hampshire offering this kind of long-term, guaranteed financial support to low-income students. The Granite Guarantee will offer more confirmation that our land grant, sea grant and space grant university is a place to go and change your life.
Lou D'Allesandro is a New Hampshire state senator and former chair of NEBHE.
Poultry problem
"Chicken Fight'' (oil on canvas), by Sarah D'Ambrosio, in the ''Master of Fine Arts Thesis Exhibition,'' at the Museum of Art of the University of New Hampshire, Durham, N.H., April 21-May 19.
Chris Powell: The thought police are prowling
MANCHESTER, Conn. Another college speech code was reported last week, this one at the University of New Hampshire. It was assembled two years ago by university staff and student groups purporting to represent women and racial and sexual minorities and was posted on the university's Internet site.
But when it was brought to his attention, the university's president, Mark Huddleston, purported not to have been aware of it and forcefully repudiated it, particularly for its assertion that "American" should not be used to mean citizens of the United States because doing so is disrespectful to residents of Central and South America.
"While individuals on our campus have every right to express themselves," Huddleston said, "the views expressed in this guide are not the policy of the University of New Hampshire. ... The only UNH policy on speech is that it is free and unfettered on our campuses. It is ironic that what was probably a well-meaning effort to be 'sensitive' proves offensive to many people, myself included."
Welcome, President Huddleston, to the political correctness that now permeates higher education in (North) America, even in the state whose license plates, bearing the state motto, simply yet eloquently rebuke all speech codes: "Live free or die."
That proscription of "American" in the UNH speech code is the least of it.
Also proscribed are "older people," "elders," "seniors," and "senior citizen," though the latter two are euphemisms of long standing. According to the speech code, "people of advanced age" is preferable, as if no one might take offense at that as well, and as if any euphemism could make people prefer to be 80 instead of 30.
"Poor" is to be replaced by "person who lacks advantages others have," and "people of size" is to replace "overweight," as if these euphemisms will make such people feel better too, as if such people are too stupid to notice euphemism, and as if the assumption of their stupidity wouldn't be more insulting than "poor" and "overweight."
Higher education in Connecticut came down with the PC plague early. Twenty-six years ago the University of Connecticut tried to ban "inconsiderate jokes" and "inappropriately directed laughter," proscriptions that were themselves laughed to death, though the Connecticut Civil Liberties Union, increasingly PC itself, failed to petition the Motor Vehicles Department, as it should have done, for creation of a license plate reading: "Laugh free or die."
But it's not all so funny, for in "1984" George Orwell described the impulse to control language as an impulse to control thought. Orwell imagined a new language for the totalitarian state of the future, a language he called Newspeak for an ideology he called "Ingsoc," shorthand for "English socialism."
"The purpose of Newspeak," Orwell wrote, "was not only to provide a medium of expression for the worldview and mental habits proper to the devotees of Ingsoc but to make all other modes of thought impossible. It was intended that when Newspeak had been adopted once and for all and Oldspeak forgotten, a heretical thought -- that is, a thought diverging from the principles of Ingsoc -- should be literally unthinkable. ... Newspeak was designed not to extend but to diminish the range of thought. ..."
A lexicographer who is developing Newspeak elaborates: "The whole literature of the past will have been destroyed. Chaucer, Shakespeare, Milton, Byron -- they'll exist only in Newspeak versions, not merely changed into something different but actually changed into something contradictory of what they used to be. ... The whole climate of thought will be different. In fact there will be no thought as we understand it now. Orthodoxy means not thinking -- not needing to think. Orthodoxy is unconsciousness."
And now that universities have overtaken churches in the orthodoxy business, they even award degrees for it.
Chris Powell is managing editor of the Journal Inquirer, in Manchester, Conn.
All-season work, even here
"To Build'' (oil on canvas), by ALEXIS CARTER KOCHKA, at Museum of Art, University of New Hampshire.
"My paintings look at the relationship between people and the natural world,'' she says.
The square deal
"Homage to the Square'' (screenprint), by JOSEF ALBERS, at the Museum of Art at the University of New Hampshire, in Durham.