Allan Klepper: Erev Xmas 2016

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Erev Xmas 2016

It’s Christmas Eve, again time to believe

In that jolly fellow Santa Claus.

A tumultuous year, but we are still here

To reflect upon events gives us pause.

Nobel Literature Prize to poet/singer Bob Dylan.

Invited to attend to accept; wasn’t willin’.

Perhaps underlying reason won’t state,

To me, it appears he’s a simple ingrate.

The Galaxy Note 7; smart phone to desire

Can no longer fly for fear of a fire.

The Flint, Michigan, lead-in-the-water crisis,

And homegrown terrorists patterning ISIS.

A Google computer aptly named Alphago

Beat Korean master champ at the game of GO.

And war continues in Syria with no peace.

While attacks on police officers increase.

Most Russians banned from the Rio Olympics,

Caught red-handed using illegal doping tricks.

Exit European Union, the Brits have voted.

National, self-interest feelings were noted.

Notice no mention of the elephant in the room,

Half the country thinks we’re headed for doom!

Time named Trump person of the year

Of a divided nation, so many still fear.

Hillary Clinton had her server from hell.

Thomas Jefferson had server problems as well.

While Hillary email confidentiality abused,

Sally Hemings was the server ole Thomas used.

Senator Sanders gave Democrats a real Bern!

Though Millennials didn’t vote Clinton in turn.

Feds agree: Our election Russians did hack.

Obama has promised that we will byte back!

The Internet gave fake-newsers what they desire;

The absolute right in a theater to yell “FIRE!”

In Rhode Island, all was not great.

‘Cooler & Warmer’: loser logo for our state.

We’re getting closer to tolling of trucks

New super computer can’t deliver needy bucks.

Ethics Commission now State House oversees.

A move shenanigan-watchers doth please!

And will promised legislative legal attacks

Remove the onerous annual car tax?

But Gov. has something about which to crow:

New businesses to RI: the workforce to grow!

Hamilton was the Broadway Musical Show

Kindled desire of U.S. History to know.

Unless you’re planning a pregnancy tonight,

Don’t worry about a ZIKA mosquito bite.

Autonomous vehicle tests get the nod.

We’ll soon be riding in a driverless pod.

VW diesel auto pollution

Resulted in vigorous EPA prosecution

Calling for diesel owners’ restitution

And VW company executives' execution.

Latest research: amyloid brain plaques the target;

Details of this Alzheimer’s cure; somehow I forget…

Tom Brady’s deflategate suspension from hell

By NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell.

It’s said success is the revenge that’s best,

So far the Patriots are meeting the test.

Despite injuries and aches, they’re on their game.

While Brady sets NFL records for the Hall of Fame.

Let’s take a moment to reflect on the year.

Some impactful celebs that’re no longer here:

A final goodbye to Fidel Castro,

Famous Cuban Communist foe.

Antonin Scalia, court’s right-as-can-be.

And, To Kill a Mockingbird’s – Harper Lee.

Arnold Palmer – head of Arnie’s Army.

And boxing legend  Muhammad Ali.

Elie Wiesel – Laureate for Holocaust pain!

Singer “Prince” for song Purple Rain.

Robert Vaughn, Man from Uncle’s Napoleon Solo,

Janet Reno – A.G. when Feds torched WACO.

Shimon Peres – Israeli Minister Prime,

Morley Safer – 60 Minutes reporter sublime.

Grant Tinker – TV’s Mary Tyler Moore,

Gene Wilder – Young Frankenstein’s gore.

Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? Edward Albee wrote.

John Glenn – ace, astronaut, and senator of note.

Nancy Reagan, Pete Fountain, Gwen Ifill, it’s a crime.

Florence Henderson, Garry Marshall, Gordie Howe, didn’t rhyme.

Zsa Zsa Gabor was a great housekeeping spouse.

Eight divorces, claims she always kept the house…

Tonight we select tomorrow’s movie to see,

Then on a Chinese Menu: Column “A” or Column “B”.

Our lunar calendar takes holidays for rides,

A few years ago Thanksgiving coincides.

Then we celebrated our Thanksgivakah,

Tonight, a single light, Merry Chrismannakah!

And a Joyous Kwanzaa with no animus,

Finally, A Festivus Just For The Rest of Us!!!

Plan B for the stadium

The economic Bird of Paradise;

That giant Construction Crane,

Seeks tragi-comic sacrifice

With compliant taxpayer drain.

Skeffington wants a deal sunny,

An investor’s modest desire.

By using other people’s money,

A financial homerun is sure-fire!

Best yet from our “Partner” to be:

Pay no taxes and get the land free!

And those drains; public funded the price.

Should public funds pay for them twice?

The best government money can buy;

Withhold campaign funds as leverage.

It’s pie-a-la-mode-in-the-sky,

The public’s not up for your beverage.

The boon of your plan’s a charade!

Prove us wrong; drink your own Kool-Aid!

Here’s Plan “B” for you to deploy,

In case one has to save face.

Buy the land surrounding McCoy,

And “Kraft” your own “PAWSOX PLACE.”

                -- Allan Klepper